34th Post

我总是在错的时间，遇见对的人...

33rd Post

Love the rain.. But not the pain...

The rain just reminds me of him.. Reminds me of his sms asking me to take care of myself.. Sayang-ing me.. Haiz...

32nd Post

Rained the whole day.. Ached the whole day... =(

Anyway.. XY told me that Ivan had been wanting to break up with her for a long time already..

Men..

One is never enough for them...

31st Post

Don't understand why he kept msn-ing me...

Feels as if he has something to talk me.. Yet, perhaps can't say it out to me..

Seriously.. Rey.. You have to stop showing me concern if you want me to move on without you.. Stop giving me reasons to make excuses to wait for you...

Haiz...

30th Post

Ridiculous day...

First of all..

Rey msn-ed me in the afternoon.. The first since Sunday... Replied him only 30 mins later.. But he said just disturbing me for fun.. Hmm.. Weird...

Then while having dinner with Weiling and Ngiap @ Iluma.. Zhiwei called from Australia.. I didn't picked up the call in time.. He sms-ed me in the end...

Last but not least.. Ivan called me when Dorothy picked me up to go Double O... Telling me that he broke up with his girlfriend and want to meet up with me.. -.-" Please.. Do I look like a replacement product to you?

Anyway.. 3 guys in a day.. What the hell lah.. All contacting me at the time when I decided to move on and strive for a career...

Right now at this moment...

If I can't be Number One in your life.. Then I rather not be anything in your life at all...

So.. Let me walk out...

29th Post

The world is really small.. as in tiny weeny small..

Suddenly, I have one friend knowing another friend or they studied together with me or my friends before.. =)

Yup.. The world is small... Singapore is small... You will never know who you will bump into on the streets one day..


Its raining now... I miss him...

28th Post

There are 3 men in every girl's life.

1. The one she loves.
2. The one she hates
3. The one she can't live without.

In time, you realise...

They are all the same guy....

27th Post

Interview later.. Can't sleep..

Guitar string snapped.. Haiz.. Hinting to me that something's bad is going to happen?

Haiz..

I am still thinking about him.. He might know it.. He might not... Doesn't really matter now, does it?

I've never expected anything from him.. Cause I know that there is nothing I can expect from him...

Then and again... Why is it I feel so fustrated these few days?

So fustrated seeing his facebook's updates.. So fustrated seeing him popping online and offline.. So fustrated over his msn photo appearing every now and then on my msn's "What's New" window...

Haiz...

26th Post

Something can't be right when a 5 days cycle shorten to just 2 and a half days.. =(

25th Post

Heard this tune somewhere... By Pa Yi Jun - I Hope Your Love Is Always Happy... With the lyrics of the song by Lee Seung Chul - Are You Listening...

I hope your love is always happy.
Although you and I have parted, It must be just that our destinies didn't meet
I hope you'll meet someone nice...

Since you're a really good person, no matter who you're with.
Since you were too good for me..
I hope a love that's worthy of you will find you..

I hope your love is always happy.
Do you know?
You're beautiful when you smile.
I may occasionally cry, because I miss you.

But..

I hope you'll always smile
I hope you'll always be happy.


And I really do hope you are happy....

24th Post

I have to start having the mindset of accepting everything in a positive way...

Things happened for a reason...

Just that...

Whats the reason?

23rd Post

Love is for you to conquer...

But...

How do I conquer you?

And..

Will you be conquered by her??

22nd Post

He hurted his back again.. Haiz...

How many times must I tell him to becareful and don't play till fully recovered...

Wonder how's his injury now.. Want to ask him.. But then and again.. Who am I to ask....

Haiz...

21st Post

Was listening to some korean mtvs on youtube.. Heard a couple of songs that really described how I felt at this moment....

What should I do..

=(

20th Post

They said that chocolate stimulates endorphin production, which gives a feeling of pleasure and contains serotonin, which acts as an anti-depressant...

But after finishing one whole box of Royce Chocolate.. I don't feel better.. My mood was not uplifted.. I am still feeling depress... =(

Haiz...

19th Post

Rey just condemned me for being playful..

I am kicked out of the game because I am playful.. Oh... And for being young too...

He said that to him.. I am a young girl..

Well guess what Rey.. I AM younger than you.. and She is YOUNGER than me!

Argh...

Uncle Rey... I am single now.. After a fucked-up 3 yrs plus relationship.. Of course I am all out to play... BUT.. When I am attached.. I am fully committed to that person..

But of course.. He will never know..

I feel hurt.. I don't hate him.. Nor detest him.. Just felt unfair and unjust with that statement.. After making so much effort to change.. And in the end.. Its all for nothing..

And how can I still be friends with him? How can I still go out for curry fish head with him?

Haiz..

Whatever lah...

So long you are happy, Do what you deem fit ba...

ESTHER!!! Time to wake up and snap out of it.. You have more important things in life to accomplish!!!

18th Post

If the only way for you to be happy is to let you go.. I will...

17th Post

Reality had hit me hard..

Wanted to ask him out.. But he was with her.. =( He called and kept asking me what's up.. I said nothing.. nevermind.. In the end.. I think he was angry with me...

Haiz... Seriously.. How to talk to him when he is with her??

He is with her..

So yes.. Reality hits me hard on the face.. Telling me its time to wake up...

16th Post

Rejected UOB's job offer.. Haiz..

Anyway.. Since I broke the news to him last night..

From all the msn-s and phone calls he gave me today.. The main point was all about "Bought the kit yet?", "Tested yet?"...

Irritated..

He has not been contacting me very frequently since his girlfriend decided to go back to him.. The sudden increased frequency of phone calls today just makes me wonder... How true are his concerns towards me? Is he just worried about the result or is he really worried about me?

The feeling to know that if he really called me just to want to know the results just really kills me.. My heart just hurts so bad... =(

Haiz...

Seriously.. I've kept telling myself that Rey is not my main priority... Getting a job is.. Yet, he just kept popping up into my mind..

Don't know how many times I've tell myself to let him go.. and that nothing is going to come out of this relationship with him..

*bang wall*

Back's hurting bad.. Just can't sleep... =(

15th Post

Ya...

You get to keep your promise, but I have to break mine to keep yours....

Haiz...

14th Post

Finally told him that my menses' late.. His response was exactly what I had expected...

He gave me all the reasons to convince me to go for the procedure if it really happens...

He claimed that his decision was made not because of her.. but because financially, he is not stable yet.. and that he is not ready...

Disappointed with him... Really...

Seriously.. I think its bullshit...

He asked me if I hate him.. My answer was No...

He asked me if I am angry with him.. I told him a little...

I really don't know what to do.. I don't even dare to think what I should do if it happens... Cause.. The current situtation just does not allow me to do so...

Haiz...

I need someone to tell me what to do... I have so many things on my hands... So many things to worry about...

On the verge of breaking down already...

Perhaps.. In the end.. I will end up alone... again... =(

13th Post

UOB called.. I am shortlisted...

The only thing holding me back is the $4k penalty... Haiz...

12th Post

Barely slept for an hour.. =( Really hope the interview later will be smooth....

Haiz...

This should not be happening again.. Have a bad feeling over this...

*sob*

11th Post

Interview with UOB later at 10.30am..

Supposed to sleep.. But I can't...

Menses' late.. for 5 days already.. Getting worried..

Should I tell Rey? Haiz... =(

10th Post

I am standing in front of you.. Why can't you take a good look at me??

9th Post

Flings only happens when I am single..

8th Post

Just met Rey.. And he shall be known as Uncle Rey from now on.. =)

Was surprised when he msn-ed me.. And told me this "i told her that i din might not be able to love her as i used to be..." and that he have yet to patched back with her...

Seriously, I am getting very confused..

He's the one who wanted and done so much to try to get her back.. Now, she wants to return to him.. He hesitated..

Finally asked him "Who am I to him? What does he take me for?"

Ironically, he was thinking of the exact same questions while walking to the playground..

He said that I am like a confidante to him... A friend... Someone whom he can really talk to.. Yet, we did things more than what friend shouldn't do...

Therefore... We concluded that we are somewhere in between "Boyfriend-Girlfriend" and "Friends"..

Hmmmm.. Is this something to be happy about? Honestly.. I don't know..

He said that he needs more time to sort out his feelings towards her.. That means?

He also asked me whats the reason that I agreed to meet him... He knew exactly what my reasons are.. He just said it out.. "Cause you like me, right?" My reply was simple... "It doesn't matter whats the reason, cause even if you know the reason, it still doesn't change anything or give me an outcome that I want."

Of course.. In the end.. As usual... We just laughed it off...

He took a nap on my lap... Had thoughts in hope that he will just sleep like this on my lap for good... Wish-ful thoughts, I know.. Still, somewhere in my heart.. I still hope...

Haiz...

So what if I still like him.. So what if I am still waiting for him... That doesn't change any thing in any way...



Anyway.. Had a long day.. Chris' girlfriend of 4-years called.. Usual drama (that I thought would only have happened to me) unfolds...Tennis was shacked today.. Terrible heat from the Sun... Amazed by Mr Lim's improvement... Hurt myself again.. In need of new sport shoes.. Bought tonnes of books for Jiale... Annoyed by Zhiwei.. Confused by Uncle Rey...

7th Post

Never thought that I would be questioned by someone else's gf.. Goodness.. The table had turned...

Anyway..

I am getting confused with getting myself into a relationship.. The questions that kept popping into my head was.. "Is this guy attached?", "Is this for real?", "Will he be another Jeremy Ng?"

Haiz...

Vex.. Vex... Vex...

Oh... Having an interview with UOB next tues.. Was so excited, yet no one to share my excitement with.. Haiz..

I miss him... Want to share this excitement with him.. But.. I feel that perhap.. I should just leave him alone with his girlfriend.. =(

6th Post

男人贱，女人犯奸贱.

5th Post

如果‘等’可以有一个结果，那可以让我等吗？

4th Post

男人说谎是为了让自己好过，女人说谎是为了让别人好过... 因为女人没有伤害别人的勇气...

3rd Post

有人说, 世界上最遥远的距离, 不是生与死... 而是我就站在你面前,你却不知道我爱你...

2nd Post

The rain woke me up... And the thunder jolt me up...

No.. Let me correct that.. The pain woke me up...

My joints almost killed me... =(

1st Post

Feeling vexed.. Feeling lonely...

Strange isn't it? Yes.. It seems that I have a lot of friends... a lot of entertainments.. a lot of programs happening everyday... a lot of guys chasing after my tail...

But.. Yet...

The only thing that surrounds me now is silence... There's no one besides me..

I remembered that I've once told Rey.. Learning to let go makes a person stronger than who he/she is now..

I missed him.. I missed him being bossy towards me.. I missed him sending texts sayanging me when it started to rain... I missed him kept stuffing food on my plate... I missed him trying to keep me warm when we were in the cinema... Missed him so badly.. And I can't let him know....

The day he returned from Thailand and msn-ed me.. I almost didn't want to leave house for work...

But.. I had to keep my distance away from him already....

All I wanted for him was to be happy.. And if letting him go back to his ex-girlfriend would make him happy... That's what I will do.. I will let go...

He is just a friend... Nothing more... Nothing more....

*cry*